


If I Knew

by her_silhouette



Series: Bruno Mars Trilogy [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Tumblr Prompt, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 10:53:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4432784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/her_silhouette/pseuds/her_silhouette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonardo has finally come to realize the extent of his feelings for Michelangelo, but is he too late in revealing them? Second story in my Bruno Mars Trilogy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Knew

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mage-of-words (tumbrl)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=mage-of-words+%28tumbrl%29).



> Title: If I knew  
> Fandom: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2k12 Cartoon  
> Characters: Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Mondo Gecko  
> Pairing: Unrequited!Leo/Mikey, Possible!Mikey/Mondo Gecko  
> Genre: Romance/Hurt Comfort/  
> Word Count: 2.5k  
> Rating: PG, cuz you know Tcest.  
> Summary: Leonardo has finally come to realize the extent of his feelings for Michelangelo, but is he too late in revealing them? Second story in my Bruno Mars Trilogy.  
> Author’s Notes: mage-of-words wanted a sequel to “Just The Way You Are” and I obliged. Thus the second part in three. Unbeta’d.

Leonardo watched the world pass him by with attentive eyes. His pupils darting from one shadowed corner to another, always alert in case of an ambush or a person in need. It was a nightly ritual, roaming New York City’s skyline in search of either someone to save or, as Raphael would put it, someone’s butt to kick. While the leader in blue made a great show of how focused he was on the task at hand, he knew he was only giving the job less than one hundred percent of his effort.

It had been two weeks since his outburst after the whole Mondo Gecko incident and he had been surprised by the reaction of his friends and family. He expected taunts or at least some good-natured ribbing, but received neither. Maybe some childish snickers from Raph and Casey, a couple of ‘awes’ from April about how great a big brother he was, and with all the flack he had given Donnie about April he had expected something more than a knowing smile from his brainy brother. It was Mikey’s response that had stood out the most, most likely because there  _was_  nothing. Mikey hadn’t treated him any differently or acted strange around him at all. He was his normal annoying yet adorable self and didn’t seem bothered by Leo uncharacteristic outburst of affection. It was starting to grate on his nerves.

‘What does it mean?’ Leo asked himself for the hundredth time of Mikey’s lack of response. Did it mean he took it like April had, as normal brotherly affection? They weren’t really the affectionate type of family. Splinter had never been very demonstrative in his care for them, though they knew of his love for them. Between the four of them, “bonehead” and “dumb butt” were terms of endearment and nothing said “I love you, bro” more than a well-placed kick in the shell. But Mikey had been the most loving of them all, always doling out hugs and kind words.

Perhaps he just appreciated the gentle loving as opposed to the rough housing he was used to. Or he could have taken it to mean something more than brotherly, something more than sibling love, and this was his way of letting Leo down easy. He wasn’t unintentionally cruel like Raph could be at times, or bluntly logical like Donnie. Mikey would be sweet and perhaps slightly avoidant of the topic, but not necessarily him.

Of course, there was the third option: that Mikey actually had feelings for him and therefore didn’t feel like he needed to change his behavior towards him. Mikey’s the kind of turtle that would give his heart regardless if it would be returned or not and was never shy about showing his emotions. Maybe Mikey had been flirting with him this whole time and he had been too blind to see? Maybe Mikey was just waiting for him to actually do something other than blurt out something that could easily been construed as fraternal?

Maybe Leo was really just overthinking this thing and needed a good kick in the shell?

Either way, Leo knew now he could not be content to sitting on the sidelines and letting things play out naturally. He had to find out Mikey’s feelings towards him, one way or another, if he had any hope of moving on and either repair a broken heart, or moving forward to the start of something new with Mikey.

The first step, of course, if he wanted to actually try and figure out if Mikey liked him or not, he had to stop denying his own feelings. He had to admit, at least to himself, that the feelings he had for the youngest turtle were not entirely friendly. That the affection he had towards him went beyond family bonds. He loved Donnie and Raph, to the very core of his being and the intensity wasn’t different than it was with Mikey, but thinking about Raph didn’t make his heart race and watching Donnie jump from one building to another didn’t make his chest tight. He would be devastated at the loss of any of the three, but the world would be just a bit darker, just a bit lonelier, without a certain orange-masked turtle there by his side than the other two.

The next step, of course, is to finally confess, to explain to the short turtle that he cared for him, loved him, other than what they were raised to be. That while he didn’t mind the title of “big brother” when it came to him, he wanted, he desired, something more.

He didn’t have any unrealistic expectations from the conclusion of his confession. He wasn’t anticipating Mikey jumping into his arms and ply him with kisses.  In fact, he blushed and shied away from the thought of kissing. It was way too early to succumb to such fantasies. He didn’t think it was the most honorable thing to do. Heck, even with all of his hopes, he wasn’t even expecting Mikey to reciprocate his feelings. He was enough of a realist to know that not everything happened as they did on Space Heroes.

He honest just wanted to know if he even had the smallest chance to have something more with him. If he did, he would move forward with his pursuit and possibly do some of the things he was too nervous or too wary to think about at the moment. And if he didn’t, well, then he would know, wouldn’t he? He’d now that there is no chance, not at all, and he could mourn the relationship before even got started. And he would be forced to move on, come up with another prospect. Or none at all, because at the moment, he couldn’t imagine anyone, not even that tiny spark he felt for Karai once before, making him feel anything near what Mikey makes him feel.

He was currently working on phase two, the confession. Surprisingly, he only started the planning the night before. It had taken more time to come to terms with his feelings before deciding what actions he needed to take after that. But that was what he did. Despite what Raph says, as soon as he figures out what he wants, he goes out and gets it. At that moment, he wanted Mikey, and while he hadn’t been prepared to find out exactly the intensity he wanted him, he was still willing to move forward with it.

So he planned everything out carefully with the small amount of time he had given himself. He chosen a cloudless night, Mikey’s favorite kind of night, because if they got to a dark enough part of the city, they could see the stars. Leo had split the team up, forcing a reluctant Raph to be paired off with a too-aware Donnie so that he could pick the perfect moment to stop under the starry sky and confess his love to the youngest turtle. It sounded romantic, if not a little cheesy, but Leo couldn’t ever claim he was the more original turtle in the world.

So there they were, scouting out a semi-abandoned part of Brooklyn, where it had been years since the streets had seen working street lamps and the neighbors preferred to not let people know that they were in for the night. Leo had just given Mikey the signal to stop and informed him that they were taking a short break. Mikey barely seemed to notice though, for he was still bouncing around on the deserted rooftop, sprouting out how much a certain cluster of stars looked just like Ice Cream Kitty.

Before his self-discovery, Leo would have pretended to be angry with the amount of noise and lack of stealth his brother was exhibiting, but now he couldn’t stop the smile from forming on his face as he watched his brother’s antics. Mikey was just plain adorable.

He allowed it to go on for some incalculable minutes, watching the stars shine in his bright blue eyes, and didn’t notice until it was too late that Mikey finally brought his attention back to him and caught his stare. It was only when he could vaguely see his own reflection in those sparkling eyes did he even realize that they had been staring at each other for several moments, with a slightly confused look on Mikey’s and that same beaming expression on his own.

Leo let it start to fall for a second, startled at being caught, before he brought it back up again, brighter this time. A more perfect moment couldn’t have fallen into his lap, not when he knew that Mikey’s full attention. So Leo took a step forward, which Mikey unconsciously mimicked. A flutter started to form in Leo’s belly, so similar to the ones he got when he was about to enter battle, but these were softer, more pleasant, and far more welcoming. He used that fluttering feeling warm his blood, to motivate his tongue, and let loose the words he’s been dying to say once he’s realized they were true.

“Mikey, I need to tell-“

“COWABUNGA, DUDES!”

A joyful shout filled the air and Leo barely stopped himself from shrieking at being startled and pulling out his katana to slice the head of the interrupting being. The second he saw that it was that crazy Mondo Gecko, he instantly regretted stilling his hand.

“Mondo!” Mikey cried out in glee and quickly moved forward to the skateboarding mutant and they did their little hand-slide dance thingy that Mikey did so well. If it were possible to look adoring at one person and with malcontent to another at the same time, Leo would sure be doing it at that moment. But neither party noticed, for now Mikey had his full attention on the skateboarding gecko and Mondo had eyes for only Mikey.

The butterflies started to die out and sick feeling started to settle into his stomach as he gazed at the pair. There was something hauntingly familiar with that smile on Mondo Gecko’s face, the way his eyes danced with delight and awe, and the way he held himself, as if he was subconsciously leaning towards the younger mutant, wanting to be as close in proximity to Mikey as possible.

Mondo Gecko was in love with Mikey.

Of course he would recognize the signs, for he felt the same things himself. It was apparent now that Leo’s earlier jealousy had been warranted, and that he hadn’t just been imagining things. Leo tried to not let the anger swell within him, because it’s not exactly like he had any right to say who else could love Mikey or that he had any claim over the shorter turtle. 

He had been so busy trying to remain calm, he zoned out of the conversation the two were having and had only been brought back when Mikey turned back to him and asked, “So, can I?”

Leo blinked at him in confusion. “Can you, what?”

“Go skateboarding with Mondo! Oh, pretty please? He says there’s a nice secluded ramp not too far from here and we’ll only skate for an hour, two tops! Please, please, please,  _please!_ ”

“Mikey,” Leo said, trying to sound reasonable and authoritative and not completely as dismissive as he actually was. “You don’t even have a skateboard with you.”

He saw Mikey’s shoulders slightly deflate and it made him feel like the biggest heel, but before either turtle could say something, Mondo Gecko chimed in. “It’s no sweat, dudes!” he exclaimed. “He can totally use mine! I have no problem sharing with Mikey.” The smile on the gecko’s face was just teeth and it set Leo’s nerves on edge, but Mikey had gained back his enthusiasm and was now using the full use of his sky blue eyes and well-practiced pout on him.

Leonardo knew he was a goner the second it appeared, but he stubbornly tried to stand his ground.

“Mikey, I really don’t think…” he found himself trailing off as he took in the pleading look on Mikey’s face. He wanted to outright deny the request and move Mikey out of the other reptile’s reach. Heck, he debated on whether he should confess his love for him right now, audience be damned. But the longer he stared into his interest’s eyes, the doubts started to rise and his courage started to fail.

He looked up and took in his rival’s appearance. Even if he wanted to deny it, Mondo Gecko was _cool_ , in a way he could never be. He was fun and charismatic, and he had that same joy of life that Mikey had. Of course Mikey would rather spend time with the skateboarding teen than him, Mondo was the more compatible. They had far more things to talk about, or even do, and there wasn’t any added drama of what their father’s reaction would be if they moved forward with this relationship. (That was something he had been actively avoided thinking about until he knew, for certain, where this was leading. He figured there was no point in dwelling on it if it turned out Mikey wasn’t interested.)

Finally, Leo dropped his eyes and his shoulders, in defeat.

“Sure,” he said, hoping it was a casual tone and not a heartbroken one. “Just be back in a couple of hours or Splinter will worry.”

Mikey gave him his biggest smile and hugged him, his arms tightening around his middle and he lifted Leo up just for a moment before setting him down again.

“THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” he cried out before turning away, running to catch up with Mondo who, at Leo’s acquiesce, already started towards the skate park. He gave his brother one last shout of “You’re the best, Leo!” before disappearing over the side of the building.

Leo stared after Mikey long after he had already left his vision, feeling the coldness of the wind for the first time that night. The warmth he felt after having been not only near Mikey but also from the exercise of jumping from building to building was casted into the wind, just as his courage and plans had. He realized he had been foolish to think it would be simple to just tell Mikey how he felt and to accept whatever answer was laid at his feet. Now he knew, not for certain, but with enough probability to know that his little pipe dream about Mikey was just that, something never meant to see the light of day. It didn’t matter, really, if Mikey did return his feelings. They wouldn’t have worked out anyway, he reasoned, thinking of all the things Mondo Gecko could give Mikey that he couldn’t.

He stayed stationary for a few moments longer, allowing himself to mourn silently of what could be, of all the things he rightfully didn’t allow himself to hope for, before turning and headed the opposite direction.


End file.
